Feeling…Blindsided…

Hi there friends

I felt it was ESSENTIAL for me to post today for 3 reasons:

• My goal is to post every 2 weeks, and (gasp) I am falling behind! (Hello, perfectionist!)
• I found myself blindsided this morning, and I have learned that when we are blindsided, we have a golden opportunity to learn something valuable AND when we talk about it, we have the golden opportunity to connect with others who might have experienced something similar.
• I dislike the human tendency of only doing the ‘highlight reel’. Of course, it feels a lot more comfortable to talk about the achievements and wins – but my deep belief is that we need to connect over the messy stuff WE ALL experience. I really believe, after all these years, that THIS is what I am meant to do. I will talk about THAT.

I was driving my son to school, listening to Roy Orbison, and feeling happy about things.

(Seriously, were you aware that he is also known as “the Big O”? Badass.)

I asked my son if he had anything out of the ordinary going on today, and I was laughing because he answered, “No. Just planning on using my charisma to get out of doing stuff.”

I noticed an angry looking older guy parked, facing me, and he had rolled down his window and was motioning with his arm. So, I stopped and rolled down my window.

“Hi! Um, wha-“

“Slow down! You’re going too fast! This is a SCHOOL ZONE!”

(Angry-man-face, which my brain registered as “disgusted”.)

I paused and my defences came up – I thought to myself, “yeah, dude, I know it’s a school zone….”

I said, genuinely confused, and trying to lean into my curiosity – “Oh I thought I was going 30…”

“Well, YOU WEREN’T!”

“Ok, thank you…” I pulled away, feeling surprised. I AM aware that I have a heavy foot, but I honestly didn’t think I was speeding.

My son said, “you were probably going 40 or 45.”

“Oh shoot! Ok.” I felt a bit sheepish.

I dropped him off a moment later and continued to my office. However, I started to feel something welling up in my chest. And my body began feeling warm. Then that god awful, familiar feeling.

Eyes, leaking.

What the hell is going on?

Two minutes ago, I was feeling good! Great, in fact! Now, my emotions have swung so far in the other direction. I have to go into my office and speak to people.

Be in control.

…..Sha…la-la-la…doo-bee-wah….bum-bum-bum…yip-yip-oohhh….

How can I legitimately work with professionals and organization on LEADERSHIP when I still feel confused by my own reactions, and I can’t keep my emotions in check?

As I drove, I did what I do when I feel out of sorts: box breathing.

Have you tried it? If you haven’t, you’re missing out. IT WORKS.

Breathe in for 4 seconds

Hold it for 4 seconds

Breathe out for 4 seconds

Hold it for 4 seconds

REPEAT.

That’s it. It might sounds simple to you – and it is.

I’ve noticed that we cheat ourselves out of amazing and useful tools when we label them as ‘simple’.

We look for the complex solutions.

The hard processes that MUST WORK BECAUSE THEY’RE SO HARD TO DO.

(HINT: do the simple stuff.)

I speak to groups about the importance of self-leadership.

We need to lead ourselves before we can lead others.

This means we need to know ourselves.

We need to know our blind spots. Triggers. Tendencies. Go-to habits.

What I KNOW about myself, is that I feel SHAME when I feel JUDGED.

And, I’m an empathetic, sensitive person.

So, shame brings up a big emotional response.

(And trust me – the idea of NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF is STILL an insanely difficult concept for me to handle.)

If you feel like you’re too ‘sensitive’, or that there is something ‘wrong with you’ because your emotions can overwhelm you, please know that your sensitivity is a friggin’ superpower.

A GIFT.

I’d bet all my rhinestone jewelry that you are able to forge DEEP CONNECTIONS with people around you. THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE A SENSITIVE PERSON.

Being sensitive means that you have the ability to KNOW what others need, and you are able to provide that. (*Creating and protecting your boundaries is going to be a whole ‘nutha post.)

Think about it – after speaking with somebody who is struggling, or challenged, you are able to make them feel better about things. Better about themselves.

In a world where KINDNESS sometimes feels elusive, and where people are generally feeling more isolated than EVER BEFORE, you have this WILD ABILITY to SHOW people that they are not alone.

THIS is why being an empathetic leader and human is so valuable.

So much research outlines that people are looking to work in organizations that care, and that are human.

NOBODY wants to work for a leader that is robotic, inauthentic and polished.

Start to see your sensitivity as the powerful strength that IT IS.

(Reach out if you need my help.)

Now, you might be asking yourself, “so what was with the crying though?”

I have a pretty good understanding of what was happening there.

I promise I’ll go into it in a follow up post, because I think many others will relate.

Just know, that when you feel blindsided, there’s gold to mine for.

And also know, that if you feel ashamed by feeling triggered because you thought that you’d be “over this by now”…..NAH.

We’re human. We will always be surprised by ourselves.

That’s reasonable, because we’re complex. And we’re always growing and changing.

YOU’RE DOING GREAT.